In the Valleys I Grow

I am not writing this entry for the people that follow my blog. I am writing this for me to always remember the past 4 days and for me to always keep life in perspective. You see, I like things done- the counters clean, the laundry folded, the calendar planned out weeks in advance, etc- these things haven't always been done, but I was anxious inside until they were complete. Over the last few days I have realized life can change on a dime. I am not sure how I will change, but I know change needs to be made within me. Revisiting the last few days in detail- it may bore you if you read on.



Friday evening- sitting on the front steps, Eric and I enjoying the great spring weather, talking with neighbors, watching Cale play. The kids go to bed, Eric and I watch the movie together, "Blind Side", what a great feel good movie. After the movie, we go into the boys room and watch them sleep, we do that every once in awhile and praise God for them. Like most parents, we are proud of them, happy for the way they are growing up and so very thankful. Eric and I talked about how smooth life had been going lately (someday, we will learn to never say that :))



Saturday morning- Eric and I have are to do list prepared for the day, we discuss what each of wants to accomplish for the day and that we hope to be done by 3:00 so we can give the boys their new Wii game and we can all play together. Eric leaves to go run his errands. The boys and I go up to their room- 1 st thing on my list- rearrange the boys room. We make a plan and we start moving beds, I bring the vacuum upstairs, I lift the TV to it's new spot- things I have done several times in the past. Room is done, the boys love it, now time to arrange clothes- pack away winter clothes get spring/summer clothes out. I am sitting down by the boys dresser folding clothes up- OUCH! My head hurts- it's too early in the morning to have a no diet Pepsi headache that comes in the afternoon. Keep going I got things to do on this list. Changing sheets, washing bedding, Man my head really hurts. Eric comes home- he got a bunch of things done, I have to go lay down, my head is really hurting me. I lay down for awhile, yeah my headache is better. Keep moving on that list. 20 minutes later- What my head hurts again. I am in the middle of a project, I got clothes here and there I have to get finished-can't leave a project undone- it's just a headache- suck it up. I got to lay down. Lay down- hey I feel fine again- this is odd. Getting the clothes put away- I am doing a half assed job, but it will be done. I recruit Eric's help just to get done- he does without complaint.



Being a nurse, I see alot of worse case scenarios, so I try to rule things out in my own head. Get the blood pressure cuff- blood pressure is good, I can move all my extremities, no problems with vision, okay it will get better, time to start to drug up. Let's start with 2 Aleve, didn't touch it, how about some Ibuprofen, nope didn't work, okay Tylenol- something will work- nope headache continues only when I am up. Should we go to the ER- no it's just a headache and that's not really emergency and my insurance doesn't pay if it's a non emergent visit to the er. We'll call the Mercy nurse. I talk with her and she says to keep doing what we are doing and it should get better. I will go to the urgent care tomorrow if it's not better. Urgent care not open on Easter- just hold tight- it is open at 7 am on Monday morning, I just have to wait until then, I can do it.



Needless to say, my to do list didn't get completed. I layed on the couch watching the boys play their new Wii game and watched basketball the rest of the night, oh well, I will fell better tomorrow. Took a tylenol pm and slept like a baby.



Sunday: Laying in bed, it's going to be better today, I get up and damn, it still hurts. We have plans today- it's Easter, we are going to all go to church, Eric is going to do his counting job at church, then we will all going to go to Marshall town and spend the day with Eric's family. I shower, this isn't going to work, I can't go my head is hurting, but fine when I am down, I will just stay home and the boys will stay with me until Eric done counting and then they will go to Marshall town and I will just rest. They leave- I want them to go, but sad that I am at home. I try and watch some TV, I think it's getting worse. As soon as I sit up, the worse possible pain is in my head, no longer taking a few minutes, it is happening instantly. I call the Mercy nurse again- tell the story again- she states I better go to the er and I am starting to freak out. I call Eric desperate and ask him to please come home, I think I need to go to the er. His parents are wonderful- they kept the boys with them, so we don't have to worry about them. While Eric is heading back, I go upstairs to freshen up a bit, even in the amt of pain I am in, I am still somewhat vain- at least clean underwear, deodorant and teeth brushed. When I am in the bathroom, home alone, I start to feel like I am going to pass out. I get to my bed and cry out please God help me. I call my sister Sherri, sobbing to let her know I am scared to death. She talks me down, I didn't want to talk to my parents- they don't need any extra worry, but they are at Sherri's house. They all talk to me while we wait for Eric and they have a computer and I ask them to type in positional headache, it's awful up and mostly goes away when lying down. Lexy found something- she clicks on it and mom reads it to me. Something called SIH: spontaneous intracranial hypotension- she reading the article- tells me some stuff, I ask her to stop because I am freaking out. Eric is home, he gets me loaded in the van, I have to lay down.



In the ER: This could be a long story to, but I am going to summarize: triage nurse: tell story, next nurse: tell story, Physician assistant comes in: tell story- need cat scan, give her drugs- Dilaudid, Zofran, CT scan done, Cat scan normal, only about 93% able to tell if there is a brain bleed- need to do a lumbar puncture- need another doctor. Ask PA how about a spontaneous rupture of spinal fluid- NOPE doesn't happen. MD comes in-tell story, explain lumbar puncture, can spontaneous rupture of fluid_Nope doesn't happen, get lumbar puncture done. No blood, but have low pressure, MD didn't think that meant anything. (I am not upset with the care I got in the ER, they were following the protocols, but probably will bring to their attention in the future that Spontaneous rupture does happen, but only 1 in about 50,000 people). About 6 hours later, No answers, but know that I am not dying, do you want to get admitted or go home on pain meds, I am nauseated, uncomfortable and just want to feel good in my own bed, let's get the heck out of here- I will feel better tomorrow. Dry heave, headache pounding have to keep head flat, but I am home!



Monday morning- still there, start to sob, what is happening to me. Eric goes to work, Zach to school, Cale to daycare- job to today is to make appts- got a referral from the er to make appt with neurologist. Wait for offices to open- Ruan Neurology- they take my info, they will call me back, I ask when the next available appt is- April 22nd, what? I can't live like this for that long (I say to myself)- something is going to work out- I am in a "fight"mode. Call family doctor can't get in until tomorrow, but here try some migraine medicine. SUre, I am willing to try anything. Sherri sends us the links about the SIH- Eric reads over his lunch and makes copies. I call my boss to update her and remember that one of my coworkers significant other is a neurologist - am I so bold/desperate to ask her to help me get in. I tell my boss my delima and she says I will call my coworker if she feels comfortable asking great, if she doesn't I will text you and tell you no. My coworker calls me I fill her in on the story, our theory it might be SIH, she tells me she will talk to her significant other. She calls back: be at his office at 8:15 am tomorrow morning and he will see me at 8:45. Eric comes home to take me to the chiropractor- we cry together- so very thankful I will get to see someone tomorrow. Yes I did say chiropractor- remember I would try anything- I can't sit up for more than five minutes- I feel like my head is going to explode. I trust my chiropractor and I knew he wouldn't do anything he didn't feel safe. I think I might have kind of scared the chiropractor- I looked awful and Eric is holding me up and we are telling the story, he looked at my neck and could tell it was out of place, but just took a little pressure off with some gadget and wished us good luck. At this point, I would probably see a witch doctor in Mexico, just to get relief. While laying on my back in the back of the van, I am reading the info Sherri and sent us about SIH: on average it takes 11 months to get a diagnosis, this condition is rare, a blog about different peoples story on how they suffered trying to get someone to diagnose them. I can only read so much and then I get nervous, but the part I like is once it's diagnosed there is something that can try and fix it. We call my parents, do you think you could come down and help us. Eric is trying to manage me, the kids, the house and this is one of the busiest times at work for him. It is the end of the quarter, deadlines are due, he has responsibilities that need to be fulfilled. We are thankful my parents are coming down.



We are home, I am emotional AGAIN and Eric looks me in the eye and says, "It is going to be okay" He never tells me something unless he means it and I believed him. We pray together AGAIN- I didn't think it was possible,but I am even more in love with my husband. He has done everything perfect during this whole situation- patient with me, picking up ALL my slack and being there for me. My parents are here, tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Tuesday: start the day in prayer, hopeful today I will get some relief. Zach to school, Cale to daycare, mom and dad and Eric get me to the neurologist office by 8 am. I have to lay down on the benches in the waiting room- I don't like attention drawn to me, but this is all I can do. We get ready to meet with the doctor. I am nervous that if he doesn't know about SIH how we are going to approach it- working with doctors as long as I have, it is my opinion it is best if the doctor thinks things are his/her own idea- will have to proceed with caution if having to give him our information. He arrives- professional, polite, checks everything over thoroughly and then gives it to us- sometimes people develop Spontaneous leaks in the spinal column. He knew exactly what was going on and came up with a plan for the day. 1st need an mri, 2nd try a bag of caffeine sometimes that constricts things to seal the area up on it's own and meet with an anesthesiologist to talk about a blood patch. MRI done, Caffeine infusion in- maybe a smidgen better, but headache still pounding, along with my heart. Anesthesiologist can't see us until 3:30. Mom and dad take me home, Eric goes to work. Eric brings Cale home and picks me up and we go to see the doctor. It's after 4:00- I am concerned it's too late in day to get anything done today, preparing for that. The doctor comes in- talks about the spontaneous leaks of cerebral spinal fluid- they don't know the cause- it could have been from me moving furniture, but that's not for sure. It may never happen again, it may happen again tomorrow. He gives me a choice to try more pain meds (I was trying to be open minded, but usually anything stronger than otc medicine makes me throw up) or he could do a blood patch. The problem with a blood patch is he has no idea where the leak is- so he won't even give us odds on how successful it would be. When someone has an epidural and they leak, blood patches are about 80% successful and they can do a second one and that is over 90% successful, but that is because they know where the leak is at. Eric and I decide let's go for it. All day, I felt if I could just get this blood patch things will be better. I also liked, no loved his comment when I ask what about my future and he says I can't stop living, after 24 hours I will have no restrictions!

The Anesthesiologist was able to do it yet today- I was so thankful. They were going to put me to sleep with conscious sedation, but preferred not because I do prefer pain than dry heaving for several hours after. It was a breeze, they took 15 cc of blood from my arm and put it in my spine. I layed flat for 45 minutes and sat up and the first time in 4 days- I could smile when I sat up, praise GOD! The next 24 hours were critical to be still, like a scab you don't want to reopen it. The doctor said he would repeat the patch one more time on me if he needed, but if the spontaneous leak happened again after that- I would need to go through further testing.

Eric takes me home, I am able to sit up in the front seat with him- sitting up never felt so good. I am crying again- this time because I am happy. Now what am I to learn from all this, I am a firm believing things happen for a reason. I am still working on that. I know it's in the valleys we grow. I have come along ways since struggling with infertility during parts of that time I was angry with God and having a lot of self pity. This small valley I just went through I kept singing several songs- one being "I will praise you in the storm" and through this all- I knew God was not going to leave us, in fact I think we may have made a record in the fastest diagnosis of Spontaneous Intracranial Hypotension.

If you made the decision to read this all the way through- thank you and you have ever right to call me out if you ever hear me get uptight about things and remind me to read my blog entry In the Valleys I Grow" because life can change in a matter of seconds and important just to ENJOY THE MOMENT!

Today, I am taking it easy for my 24 hours and plan- GOD WILLING to return to work tomorrow.

Surprise

Last night, I drove up to Algona to take part in a surprise 40th birthday Party for Sherri and Jay. (sorry about the picture quality) Sherri and Jay were truly surprised. It was so fun seeing their expressions. It still cracks me up- when Jay was telling us that he thought going out to eat at the Chinese Restaurant was his idea.

Even Lexy knew about it and kept it quiet. She made them think they were taking her out for supper to celebrate her accomplishment of getting a "1" at the solo contest that day- (way to go Lexy)

I wish the boys could have been there to help celebrate. But, we had things going on Saturday and Sunday mornings- and 5 hours in the car and 3 hours in a restaurant most likely wouldn't bring out the best of my energetic children. It's been awhile since I had been in the car by myself other than going to work- I jammed out all the way up and back- I am surprised I have a voice today.

Big Boys Having Fun

I think this may be Eric's favorite time of year! He works so hard and with all the pressures of life it is so much fun to see him let loose and act like a kid again. The NCAA tournament is the cover for him to invite friends, take days off a work, have his parents watch the boys so he can have some much needed belly laughs and act as if there is not a care in the world. Friends since early elementary school. They may all be in there mid 30's and professionals, but if you were in my basement last night you may think you saw some over grown junior high boy playing.

I could tell my age, while watching this all play out- I had to cross my legs so I wouldn't pee my pants from laughing so hard. That didn't happen years ago!

What on earth you may ask! Well during the NCAA games we play games. One of them being poker. Well, who wants to take your friends money when instead you could torture them with a dare. Thank goodness for pause and DVR. We still didn't miss a second of basketball- just the commercials.

They would come up with the bet- making modifications for me of course- no one needs to see me shirtless! We would play some poker and the bottom two players had to do the dare. Everyone was such good sports taking the punishment of being the looser. My prayers last night were of gratitude, "Thank you for good cards"

Good, clean and innocent fun! It feels so good to laugh, be goofy and silly- we need to do it more often. I for one get too serious in life- this is just exactly what I needed!

NCAA Basketball Tournament Time

An hour from now tip off begins for 4 straight days of basketball. The brackets are filled out, the snacks are bought, the house is picked up, the friends are invited and now it is almost time to veg out on the couch and cheer on our favorite teams- waiting for upsets and Cinderella teams to emerge.

It’s an annual event at our house from the beginning of Eric’s and my relationship- brackets filled out and wagers are made. When Eric and I fill out our brackets- we flip for who gets the first pick and the other person has to pick the opposite- so we are always cheering for the opposite team- so every game is valuable. Our wagers have varied over the years- never monetary – it doesn’t make sense since it comes from the same account. Thing like making meals, back rubs, cleaning duties, getting up with the kids (when they didn’t sleep through the night) and free time. This year- if I win- Eric gets to watch Mama Mia with me and he hasn’t picked a movie that would torture me yet just in case he wins.

This year- Zach and Cale are joining our friendly competition during the NCAA tourn. I will be curious to see how their picks turn out. We directed them a little on the number 1 and 2 seeds- letting them in on the fact that most often they will win, but after the Number 1 and 2 seeds were picked- the rest was free game. We would tell the names of the two teams and they would pick. They based it on if they have ever heard of the state before or if they thought the name sounds funny. I think Cale would have picked “BUTTler” to be in the finals- just because he could say BUTTler without getting in trouble. Our family wager- picks the place we eat and all the games we play for the next family night.

Beans and Rice

Three straight days of eating only beans and rice for the Prairie Ridge Challenge is complete. Many different thoughts have gone through my head in the past three days. One was why on earth am I doing this (that went through my head a lot). But, I think since Eric and I were doing this together, we didn’t want to let the other down and we’re always up for a good competition. I am not sure my heart was always in the right place during the past few days- at times, I was more excited about the weight loss aspect, then I was about what I was hoping to experience.

What did I experience? A couple of things like a new found appreciation for the hungry and a HUGE reminder to myself on how God has truly blessed us. In the past, I have been a little hard hearted when it came to the hungry- mostly because it didn’t really affect me (selfish I know). Something someone wrote on the discussion pages of the beans and rice challenge really hit home to me. We always see the children of poverty, but I never thought about the parents- sending their kids to bed hungry every night, what a horrible feeling that must be. I take for granted lots of things and my hope is that I will remember this challenge and be more thankful for everything that God has given us.

One thing I did not gain was a new love for pinto beans. After 9 meals of them, (well actually 8, because I thought I might puke if I ate another bean and stuck with just rice) I am not sure if I will ever be able to eat another pinto bean in my life! Breakfast never tasted so good then it did this morning and it was cereal and a banana! Life is all about perspective :)

A Celebration of Hope: Beans and Rice Challenge

Our church gave us a challenge (read below) of eating beans and rice for 3 days and use our "grocery money" to donate to an ophanage in Honduras. Eric and I are giving it a try. I am a half a day into it- I miss my Diet Pepsi, I want some food that taste, but I am already humbled to realize how good I got it. I have never been without, I really don't know what hunger is. We realize we could donate our "grocery money" and still eat, but so far (I am only 2 meals into out of 9) I already have more empathy for the hungry. I am not confident I will make it, but it has made me think- I will let you know on Thursday how we did.


From our church website:
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat…” Matthew 25: 35.
We live in a land of plenty. Despite economic events of the past year, most of us still have a place to live, a car to drive, and food to eat. And that’s just the beginning. We’ve got computers and cell phones, back yards and barbecues, closets near capacity, and store after store ready to sell us more.That changes our perspective.Surrounded by abundance, housing becomes a matter of status, not shelter. Clothes are deemed unusable because of style, not wear. Water flows freely in long hot showers or summer slip-n-slides. Food becomes entertainment, consumed as a backdrop to social gatherings.But there are many places in our world where morsels of food and sips of water are a matter of life or death. Every day, hunger claims the lives of 16,000 children. That’s one child every five seconds.Ministerios de Fe Vida Nueva which means Ministries of Faith and New Life in Azacualpa, Honduras, battles this reality everyday. In addition to the 20+ kids that live in the home, they provide a noon meal, Monday through Friday for 50 additional children from the nearby poverty-stricken city of Azacualpa. For many of these kids this is the only meal they receive in a day. The children’s home runs this feeding program on $400 a month – that’s $8 per child.You can help bring a glimpse of hope and the tangible gift of food to these children!What can we do?The Rice and Beans Project is a chance to get a new perspective on poverty, a chance to experience hunger in a way we don’t normally encounter in our daily lives. This goal is for the experience to be simple, tangible, and bring us into a better understanding of the complex issue of global poverty.For three days in February, we will trade in our plentiful meals for a diet of rice, beans and water – approximately 700 calories per day – and donate our grocery money to fund the Ministries of Faith and New Life feeding program. We could fund this life-giving project for a full year!As part of this experience, we will also receive some short devotions to encourage us at each mealtime. Through these devotions and the encouragement of one another, it is also our hope that as a church we can grow deeper in our awareness of the 1.2 billion people in our world who are truly hungry. God cares deeply for His people who are in need! In Deuteronomy 10:18, the word of God says, “He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing.”

Tae Kwon Do

A few weeks ago Zach and I were at the YMCA. I had promised Zach that after my exercise class I would play basketball with him, but in the gym they were practicing taekwondo instead. Zach wanted to stay and watch. After watching for quite awhile, he began to ask me if he could join. Eric had taken him to watch in the past- just to see if it would be something he would be interested in, but that class was loud and very strict- didn't seem like it would be the right fit. I sat and watched the first class at the ymca and was very impressed with the leaders- very kind, helpful and really wanting everyone to succeed. I was also very happy when the instructor tells Zach and the other kids- they don't do their Tae Kwon Do moves on anyone unless they are in danger.

He loves it! I love seeing the smile on his face and how quickly he is catching on. I am sure it won't be long and Cale will want to join him, Cale has been making up his own "kwon do" moves.

These pictures may make you cringe if you are not used to kids jumping on the furniture. I do try and remind the boys that this is most likely not allowed at most people's house. However, at our house, with two boys with bouncy beans in their bottoms, I would be yelling all the time- the living room is their play land for the 9 months of winter we seem to be having.